I am a self sabotager. No question about it, the minute I’m about to reach my goal – I destroy all chances of achieving it.
“It” can be anything as simple as the last interval in spin class when we are pushing ourselves as hard as possible for a full minute- in my mind i am competing in the tour de france – taking the lead and spinning my wheels at lightening speed when second 59 I just STOP -BOOM – sabotage! .
Or each week for weight loss purposes I am diligent about low sodium and flushing my body with lemon water until the night before weigh in I eat a large pizza -BOOM – sabotage!
By far the most potentially destructive self sabotage was 10 years ago when I brought my husband- then titled
“new guy I’m hanging out with not yet committed” home and my parents threw us a “get together”
(i.e.: engagement party and invited the ENTIRE extended family including the unbalanced disturbed aunt and the freak 3rd cousin who still lives with his parents even though he’s 52-) …seriously what was i thinking? but he stuck with me anyway….an Earth Angel.
But the real question is :
WHY do we sabotage ourselves?
Often the reason is simply a fear of failure.
In my case I think it’s a fear of SUCCESS. Whenever I have achieved great success I have had to live up to that very high expectation of myself and with that comes a lot of responsibility.
I also believe the two fears go hand in hand. If I succeed at something then I will have to live up to that anticipation of taking it to the next level and take on additional life modifications – which can POSSIBLY lead to disappointment – which is scary.
The road to success often involves RISK– or unpredictability. By putting ourselves “out there” we are altering our norm – we are getting out of our comfort zone – we are making a CHANGE.
CHANGE is unknown. CHANGE is risky. CHANGE is uncertain. CHANGE is precarious.
CHANGE is REMARKABLE especially if it leads to a new level of GROWTH.
The bottom line is….It’s fundamentally human to fear change and ultimately fear failure/and/success and it most certainly involves (but not limited to) HOW we were raised, what type of environment and support (or lack of ) we had as children.
Often I will find that those individuals who were raised with little or no support succeed further than those who were raised with a plethora of support. I can relate to the former analogy….nobody handed me anything – I HAD to go out and earn it. Eat to live.
Now I live to eat and I wonder why I question my devotion when it is so easily attainable now that i am blessed with the support and the tools?? ….BUT isn’t THAT the point?….follow me here….WHEN we are GIVEN or HANDED the option to succeed we don’t neccessariy appreciate the GRAND opportunity we are receiving! WHEN we are in a position to HAVE to GO AFTER that same opportunity – OR ELSE! _____(fill in blank with adjectives of desperation and rock bottom)- than we are more inclined to RUN after it -AT ALL COSTS! Simply out of necessity.
But ultimately it is up to YOU to decide IF you CAN change . IF you CAN succeed. IF you FAIL.
I am fully aware of my self sabotageness. I am mindful of my lack of Sticktoitism. But now that I am conscious of my ill fated behavior, I can direct it to work FOR me rather than against me.
Drive, Dreams and Ambition are not enough. Taking on RISK and making yourself uncomfortable to attain it – is what it truly takes to accomplish fundamental growth.