My NON New Years Resolutions….

 

 

Rather than listing my New Years Resolutions that I know I won’t stick to after January 7, 2012, I decided to list a few things that I WON’T resolve to do…such as, but not limited to:

 

  1. I will NOT resolve to get into better shape this year. I ALWAYS aim to better myself and I have to just accept that I look and feel just good Enough at 40 years old without a trainer in my ear pushing me to work harder or a chef in my kitchen preparing me healthier opinions .     I  do fine on my own and, like Popeye, I AM WHAT I AM so I resolve to accept myself and be OK with that. (DISCLAIMER: This theory is due to expire next month when I decide i want to get shredded again in time for my East Coast friends to come visit so just ignore my carrying on about being happy as a lazy lark…..one day I will figure it all out but until then I, like that Stu Smally Saturday Night Live skit of the 90’s:” I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and dog-gone it, people like me!!”
  2. I will NOT resolve to eat better because then what would I bitch about all day to my husband as he rolls his eyes and tunes me out each time I complain that he should have prevented me from eating too much and blame him as though it’s all HIS fault that I overindulged. (We all know it IS HIS fault). It’s obvious that the dynamic of our relationship depends on my complaining- the lengths we wives go  for our marriages!!!
  3. I will NOT stop my wine addiction and most certainly never give up drinking. Alcohol is Gods gift to humans. Wine…. a natural fruit fermented in a particular way as to add just the slightest amount of joy and release of angst to those of us with excess anxiety. (Hey, It certainly helps my Xanax addiction). OK – Maybe I should limit it  to 2 glasses vs. an entire bottle?  Note to self …..Resolution for Next Year!
  4. I will NOT give up my reality TV. I don’t care if my peers are watching CNN religiously, I will never let down my Beverly Hills Housewives. They REALLY NEED me and expect so much from my DVR that it would be a shame to let them down.
  5. I will NOT stop texting the 🙂 😉 and the LOL and other ANNOYING emoticons…they are ridiculously indulgent and I must say, for those of us who are too damn lazy to spell out the words they are highly effective!!!  Just DON’T text while driving – that annoys me more than anything else AND IF  I CATCH YOU DOING IT – YOU WILL GET MORE THAN THE FINGER FROM ME!!!!! I WILL resolve to ignore the texts  I receive from grown men and women who use “u” for “you” and “c” for “see” etc……take the 3 seconds to type it out- It’s  confusing to me if you REALLY DO know how to spell or not?
  6. I will NOT resolve to speak to my family and friends more often – you know I care about you but just don’t care enough to call. Sorry. Mwah. Sealed with a KISS…you know the drill.
  7. I will NOT resolve to be a better cook and prepare a healthy dinner for my family every night …You know it’s each man for himself and You’re on your own here and frozen Morningstar Farms are satisfactory fare – especially when accompanied with ketchup- the bottled tomato – and regardless of just how busy I am I still think that the fire alarm is sufficient notice of when dinner is ready.

 

OK, OK, so most of this meant to be tongue in cheek but whatever YOUR resolutions are –  I hope you stick to them for at least a week and enjoy the self improvement that comes along with it all!

Write in and continue to send me your feedback- I love hearing your comments- especially when I have finished an entire  bottle of wine!!!!!!!

Happy New Years !!

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