Save the chit chat for the beach….

During my single years, also known as the:

“curls gone wild” years, when i thought that my hair  actually looked cute curly (I was WRONG) and Seinfeld was still a hit sitcom, I was often compared to the popular character, Elaine Bennis. Mostly because of my dance moves (and since discovered that NO, I do NOT have game) but also because I get myself in trouble with my BIG MOUTH all the time.

I have been asked politely not to return (ok, kicked out )  of every manicure place on the Upper West side of Manhattan because I open my mouth to the manager about the way they cut cuticles without asking ( You KNOW I am insane germ freak- it’s so unsanitary – do you even know how many people’s cuticles have touched that sharp instrument before you? DON”T EVEN GET ME STARTED on the sanitary conditions of Cruise lines….Royal Caribbean should personally thank me for not ever going on one as that saves them from my big mouth).

I have been prohibited from friending others on FB (yes they have frozen MY account- which is so odd because the only time i even go onto FB is to post my blog at 6 30 am… conspiracy theory at the crack of dawn?!).

Even eBay closed my account and banned me from bidding….also odd because even if i tried i probably couldn’t figure out how to place a bid on a bag and with my luck it would for sure be fake anyway.

But the true Seinfeld character in me is the ability to pick up on when someone is talking about me. Like Lassie the dog that senses his master is in trouble – my ears always perk up when I hear a serviceperson whispering about me. It’s like a sixth sense and always  makes me snicker – alas! – a gossiper among us! – I love to hear what it is they are complaining about me THIS time.

Don’t get me wrong, theres always a good reason. I am definitely annoying – just ask my husband. I do ask for things that are inappropriate or out of their realm of service. I do tend to go on and on and talk too much for most anyone to bear let alone someone who’s cutting my nails or forced into a position to HAVE to listen or at least fake that they care for the 30 minutes i am in their care.

So when my super sonic ears picked up on my new hairdresser talking about me last week, i had no choice but to laugh to myself. The first thing i thought of is- ok here we go again- now i need to look for a new hair salon all over- hope there’s a new Groupon out today.

This time the new hairdresser i chose was Israeli and in all my years of yeshiva education i don’t speak a word of Hebrew (Failing school system anyone???) but I DO manage to understand words here and there and most relevant, I’m an expert in body language. Sometimes I think I should have been a spy on a covert mission, able to solve the mystery based on people’s body language and the way they carry themselves but most relevant: the way they LOOK at me. It always stems from their eyes. The eyes tell ALL- even if the mouth is busy saying one thing in a nice way , the eyes say another in a very truthful way.

So there I was at the shampoo station and

I overheard him discussing ME and how ANNOYING i am. (All True).

It brought back fond memories of first meeting my husband and echoed what HIS first thoughts of me were too. I suppose I could concur that most men upon initially meeting me find me to be- well, annoying.

I guess I either grow on them or they learn to ignore me. Or both.

Husband – being the good summaritan that he is – always reminds me that at the beach when we are sitting watching the ocean in quiet peace, I am the one that has to POINT OUT that its “soooo nice to be able to enjoy the ocean in quiet peace”! that i need to SAY it while he simply wants to FEEL it. Yes, he tells me, I AM ANNOYING.

I was left with 2 choices: I could either say something to the hairdresser and stop the gossiping and let him know that  I am aware of my flaws OR  could save us all the embarrassment (actually his embarrassment – im totally used to it) and keep my mouth SHUT for ONCE.

I chose the latter. I also think he gives good haircuts so why ruin a good thing????

I suppose there are several lessons learned here….

The first that comes to mind is to watch what you say when you think no one understands you. This is a land of Rosetta Stone and it’s safe to assume those of use with insomnia order more of the 12 disc kits from the infomercials than just the Insanity workouts that we never use. (Not eve nonce. Insanity is INSANE).

The second lesson – and I’ll stop here- why go into depth on a subject about yentas?- is that when you think you are annoying someone…. you probably are. I for one, should just learn from my history of talking too much to just shut it from time to time.

I have always wanted to know what it would be like to be that girl who can walk into a room silently and just sit still. I doubt that day will ever come. But until it does  I will simply accept myself for who I am- a major talker- and limit myself to those people who have a high tolerance for painful chatting.

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