A few weeks ago on a sunny weekend morning, I was leisurely riding my bike around the club, when an older couple, ignoring the stop sign, began walking DIRECTLY into my path into oncoming traffic. I realized they did not see me so, in lieu of HITTING them (because who wants to clean up THAT mess on a Saturday morning??….) I decided to shout out in my loudest voice: “GOOD MORNING!!!” so that they would LOOK WHERE THEY WERE WALKING and STOP. (Seriously, there are two types of people that annoy the bejeesus out of me: 1. texters while walking and/or driving and 2. OLD people who think they have the RIGHT OF WAY simply due to their age….. and for the record, I hear-by claim the right to be that way when I AM OLD assuming I make it that long without being hit by a texter.)
It worked, they immediately looked up in shock, then halted, and I continued on my merry way.
A few miles later I looped around and began my return home when I noticed the same couple standing on a corner waving me down frantically.
I don’t know why I bothered to stop to pull over but they were beckoning me to them so, like the good obedient girl that I am, I stopped and approached them. They then began to ATTACK me – together in UNISON and SCREAM out what a terrible , shameful, horrible person I was and WHAT I did (the act of stopping to alert them that they were about to be hit by oncoming traffic???) was just ABOMINABLE.
Needless to say, I was confused. They continued on their rant of balling me out and truly -if they weren’t in the FORM of the same 80 year old couple Miracle Max and Valerie played by Billy Crystal and Carol Kane From The Princess Bride – I probably would have crapped my pants.
But instead, I remembered my old school upbringing of respecting my elders regardless if they are WRONG and- despite the fact that I was RIGHT- I apologized to THEM.
They weren’t hearing any of that . Seriously. They DID NOT HEAR any of it and instead continued to berate me and YELL at me so loudly I was unsure if it were because they were trying to outdo the other or simply because they did not have on their hearing aids. Regardless, I continued to apologize profusely – explaining that I had only GOOD INTENTIONS and not meaning to startle them in any way- and I tried to continue on my merry way and encouraged them to just enjoy the rest of the beautiful day.
Again, not hearing any of that (literally and figuratively) they continued to yell and accost me so I simply got back onto my bike and rode off.
I also MAY have mumbled: “you crazy old folks!” only I MAY not have used the letters “O” and “L” ….my memory is a little foggy on that part.
Well, flash forward to yesterday – once again I was out riding leisurely around the club when two POLICE CARS with flashing lights announced on their speakerphones for me to PULL OVER- you heard me- the SHERIFFS GOT ME.
I could hear the song in my head: Bad Boys Bad Boys – whatchya gonna do? – whatchya gonna do when they come for you??
So if there’s ONE lesson I learned from the show COPS it’s NEVER attempt to out run them because inevitably the fence around the junk yard with the parked pickup truck on the front lawn stocked with empty beer bottles will ultimately stop you from escape. Either that or the jealous crazy latino girlfriend will be running out of the house swinging a knife ready to cut you from cheating on her with her sister.
Instead, I pulled my bike over and asked in my sweetest Nancy Botwin voice: “is there a problem officers?”.
They told me they had to discuss and INCIDENT Report and went on to describe what i just told you above only the old couples version varied SLIGHTLY . It went something like this:
A crazy woman ran them over with her bicycle then continuously swore profanities at them while kicking them in their faces. (The apology they claim to never have heard but the last mumble under my breath – this they hear?!)
Well, here we are once again in the Peoples Court.
Plaintiffs: OLD people at the club
vs.
Defendant: Larry David.
Seriously, I can not win. I decided to just accept the fact that I will continuously get my self into trouble no matter HOW GOOD the intentions were that triggered the incidents.
Lesson Learned:
Sometimes- no -scratch that- OFTENtimes in life people will attack you and it may see that the WHOLE WORLD is out to GET YOU but in reality it only matters what is IMPORTANT to YOU in YOUR OWN WORLD.
IGNORE those around you who bring with them NEGATIVE ENERGY….that part you can not control – EMBRACE those that bring POSITIVE ENERGY…..that part you CAN control.
Balsamfitsecret 