Once in a blue moon something rousing happens to you that answers every question you have about past decisions…the “What IF’s”?
Yesterday was my lucky day when I stumbled upon a picture on Facebook of an ex boyfriend.
I don’t even think I would go so far as to refer to him as an Ex, as our entire relationship lasted less than the amount of time it takes me to write a blog post. I wasn’t in love with him – I wasn’t even in LIKE with him – more so in the IDEA of him (come to think about it, I only learned what love was once I met my husband….a concept he continues to remind me of any time he wants to win an argument which is nearly impossible with me)
It was a blip in my life that happened so many years ago as a young naive girl, yet it prompted me to make LIFE ALTERING decisions that have affected every aspect of the mature woman I became.
I should have known when we were on our first date that it would ultimately lead to disaster when he told me his favorite song artist was Mariah Carey and he owned ALL her CD’s and would sing along to them. I wonder now, Why didn’t that prompt me to run for the hills?
But never the less I chose to move half way around the WORLD to see where this blind date would go (ah to be young and dumb and have the luxury of time and wanderlust!!!)
Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway, it didn’t take long to discover that he was a total LOSER and break up with him within the first few weeks of arrival.
However, I ended up staying in this Foreign Country for almost two years and it was there and then that I discovered the proverbial and literal rock to sit upon and contemplate the meaning of life and all that I desired to make of mine.
I don’t blame the Mariah Lover for dragging me across the world, instead I thank him for giving me the excuse to run away from my young problems and escape the day to day routine I was so accustomed to. I thank him from making me get out of me COMFORT ZONE . I thank him for forcing me to grow up and think independently about matters such as what do I really WANT out of LIFE? It was only after our separation when I was left to fend for myself in a foreign land that I found my calling and stumbled into an International Sales role in a Technology company and hence began a tremendous career.
The rest is history.
So the question now is why did it feel so DAMN GOOD to see his picture almost 20 years later and examine his deep wrinkles, his receding hairline, his double chin his lackluster skin and his dull eyes? He certainly did not age well and that brought me …….oh such DELIGHT!
I had to think about that for a moment. Why did I find triumph in his defeat?
Only good things came from our demise …..I went on to live the life I always dreamed of having.
I suppose on some level I was hurt by the concept of breaking up …at least my ego was crushed and seeing how he turned out in life made me feel just a we bit of retribution.
We all have our dirty desires. Our evil wishes.
I am definitely not the first or only girl to feel excitement over an exe’s downfall. I actually don’t know anything about him now. I just know I am so thankful that that’s the case.
I often see postings on FB from one ex to another that are filled with such hatred and rage. Those posts always entertain me as they just seem so strange to me ….I really don’t have any of those feelings towards ANYONE (except of course the people who text while driving in the car in the lane next to me….I HATE them and wish that they go off the road and hit a tree…. as long as no one is harmed of course….but I hope they hit that tree HARD) but overall I only wish people well and don’t harbor any negative or Ill will towards anyone.
I suppose the Lesson Learned is simple and human nature….
It’s O.K. to feel good about yourself even if it’s at the expense of someone who hurt you. (As long as you don’t carry through with any of your visions of killing them in their sleep) .
I guarantee Charlie Sheen is laughing his way to the bank just about now that Ashton Kutcher turned his 8 season hit show into a train wreck.
I know I would be.
and now for your entertainment pleasure (you know you love it)