Yesterday, as you know, was Father’s Day.
When you’re married with kids that simply means that your husband is entitled to take as much time as he wants at the Gym, then spend the rest of the day watching or playing golf and basketball – with a visit to the Beach and a BBQ in between.
Yesterday was also the first Father’s Day since my own father passed away 9 months ago.
…..The exact amount of time it takes to have a BABY.
The cycle of life is so ironic.
It makes me think about how the mourning process evolves…..
When a parent dies – and I can’t speak for everyone (even though I often do ) – a child – regardless of their AGE – feels such an immediate sense of devastation and abandonment that they aren’t sure how they could live knowing that their Mommy or Daddy is no longer there TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.
I have a very close friend who lost BOTH his parents at a young age and I can’t even imagine the loneliness he feels on days the rest of us take for granted.
But as I’m learning, the pain eventually evolves into a more settled feeling of ACCEPTANCE yet with frequent moments of holding back tears when a memory is triggered – even if it’s provoked from coming across a bottle OLD SPICE at Target (it could also be the surprise that they still made them)….
My husband (whose mother died years ago within 6 weeks of being diagnosed with Melanoma) helped coach me through the experience by describing (not equating) the loss to gradually grow into a feeling similar to that of losing a thumb… Whereby everyday you FEEL the missing appendage yet somehow you LEARN to function without it.
The funny part about my own feelings – as I am slowly healing – is that my memories of him for the most part involve my CHILDHOOD and very rarely do I think of the relationship I had with him as an ADULT.
I suppose the reason for that is that I prefer to look back at my Abba as a young strong and vibrant man…. not sick and elderly.
As I am soon approaching 41 ( although my body feels younger but my wrinkles suggest older – I seriously MUST start actually buying those Groupons for Botox) – I am recognizing my OWN MORTALITY.
So it goes without saying that when my kids jumped into the bed early yesterday morning with their homemade cards and kisses and hugs to go with them I had no choice but to tear up – not from the memories I have of my own childhood Father’s Day hugs and kisses – but for those that are being created NOW.
I have said this a gazillion times before and I will continue to say it a gazillion times over- ENJOY AND LIVE IN THE MOMENT with your FAMILY.
You never know how long it will last, but while it DOES – CHERISH it.