Have your CAKE just don’t DARE Eat it too….



The other night I was watching “The Real Housewives of the OC” (that, and Beverly Hills are the ONLY Housewives to watch anymore) – and the scene when Heather celebrates her grand gesture to her husband of finally changing her name to her husband’s after 11 years of marriage and throws herself an expensive party in honor of the joyous occasion. She has an elaborate cake made with a BIG pink bow made of frosting by a high end cake decorator all for the bargain  rate of $1500.

So- what has become my all time favorite scene in the history of reality TV – when one of her (uninvited) guests, after imbibing 3 glasses of wine,  decided to take a BITE out of that giant pink frosted bow (we’ve all been there honey) – the chaos and obscenities that ensued thereafter from “Cake eating whore” to “Sugar addict vixen” just made me thankful that I was not invited to that party because there is no way i would have stopped at JUST the bow….I would have inhaled the ENTIRE cake and asked for the $1500 bill to GO.

Well, flash forward to yesterday morning.

For some crazy reason, I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months ( Seriously, I must have had too many glasses of wine the night before because I am still not sure WHAT THE HELL I was thinking????…. I actually had to look back to see who was standing on the scale behind me)….which provoked ONCE AGAIN – my Annual, Semi-Annual, Monthly, and Weekly RAMPAGE….which, if you’re unfamiliar, goes like this:

I wake up after a long weekend of sitting on my ass at the beach and basically not moving other than back and forth to the kitchen WAY too many times – and DECLARE (to myself since my family does not listen to me anymore knowing full well that I am full of Baloney) :

“THIS is THE WEEK I will EAT CLEAN and CUT OUT cookies” (LIAR!)

“THIS is THE WEEK I will EXERCISE every day before work !” (2 out of 5 days aint bad – is it??? YES dear, it IS bad.)

When I look in the mirror there’s a little junk in my trunk and flab in the Abs…the Kim Kardashian look if you will (sans the fake  BOOBS – but when i wear the right padded push up bra- LOOK OUT KANYE!!)

My husband loves the new curves – I suppose after 11 years with the same woman this is the closest thing he has to variety. But alas, I miss my muscular and lean build that can easily fit into a $20 dress from Target and make it look like its Couture – and although it took A LOT of HARD work to get this curvier way (do you even KNOW how difficult it is to eat a dozen  cookies and a jar of peanut butter every night after everyone goes to bed??? ) I have decided that it’s THAT time again……you ALL know what THAT means :

THE THIRTY DAY CHALLENGE!!!!!!! (oh no she DIDn’t!)

For some of you newbies to my Blog you are unfamiliar with what that entails – you probably assume it’s just a 30 day log of recipes and exercises to get you  into your little black dress or to finally take off that cover up at the beach.

WRONG!!!!! You can go to PINTEREST for that stuff.


Nope, MY 30 day challenge is to lose between 10  pounds of FAT in just 30 days. It IS POSSIBLE!!

You absolutely CAN lose 2 – 3 pounds each week if you are STICKING to the one cardinal RULES that will follow TOMORROW but here’s a hint:

NO SUGAR WHATSOEVER except in fruit (and WINE of course.)

I will send a sample diet tomorrow and open up my log on www.myfitnesspal.com to the public (just email a request to : balsamj@gmail.com )

You heard me – I’m going PUBLIC with my FAT journey!!!

So, weigh in and REPORT in to me tomorrow with comments and feedback! Tomorrow we grocery shop!

GO! Get!

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