Would you like Red or White with that Wheat Gluten?…..

Last weekend a friend of mine from work invited us over for dinner.

He and I have had many lengthy conversations and debates about whose methodology on HEALTH and DIET works best.

He was a Raw Diet Fanatic for years,  then ultimately switched to strictly Vegan, but where we really differed  was his stance on Omega – 3’s  and Fish Oil Supplements ( he’s against them and dismisses their merit altogether ) Vs. Coconut Oil which he believes to be the GOSPEL and Vitamin B12 shots  which he injects into his wife’s Tuchus ( all I can say is there’s only ONE condition I’m willing to bend over for my husband and the end result is far more pleasurable than an intramuscular needle.)

So  even though we are both self proclaimed Health Nuts, we simply could not agree when it came to which modus operandi is best to prevent everything from heart disease and cancer to the common cold.

Personally, I take 3 fish oil pills a day and eat FISH for breakfast lunch AND dinner (no joke, I come home from the gym early in the morning and eat a piece of Salmon – cold- straight from the fridge –  leftover from the night before. I know, I know ….GROSS to some but mmm – mmm GOOD if you are willing to have remnant fish breath all day. No biggie just pop a lifesaver).

I also easily consume 2 dozen eggs a WEEK (which is great for my 7 year old who loves to color and cut out designs on the cartons).

So I could not wait to experience the tasty dishes he was going to prepare for us that supposedly offered all the nutrition and omega 3’s without the protein sources derived by anything that had a MOTHER.

( I also can not, nor ever could,  resist a STRAIGHT man that WORKS in Finance AND cooks!)

When my husband and I arrived at his house I was greeted with a glass of wine ( Which immediately confirmed that this man undoubtedly knew his customer…off to a GOOD start!).

The first dish he prepared was a Seitan stir fry ( which, for those of you who do not know, is pure wheat gluten –

Wheat gluten, also called seitan , wheat meat, Mock Duck, gluten meat, or simply gluten, is a food made from the gluten of wheat.

a food I actually like but NEVER eat simply because it resembles dog poop. ( I could just HEAR my GLUTEN FREE  friends cringing and crossing themselves while praying for my survival.)

Aside from the fact that he had sautéed everything in more coconut oils by the bucket load along with deep frying in tamari and soy sauces – it was also  late on a Saturday night and I had been eating all day – so I really had no appetite, but alas, I was an invited GUEST and did not want to be RUDE, so I did what any good guest would do:

Politely helped myself to 6 servings ( and 2 more glasses of wine).

I woke  the next morning feeling like I was hit by a truck.

My fingers were swollen like tiny pigs in blankets and my eyes looked like I had been in the plastic surgeons recovery room next to Joan Rivers.

In my single days whenever I would wake up feeling this way there would typically be 12 bottles of vodka in the trash and the same amount of friends passed out on my floor.

But my husband woke up feeling the exact same way I had and he hasn’t had anything harder to drink than Lemon Lime Seltzer  in over 7 years.

So I had to deduce that the swollen belly and puffy face staring back at me in the mirror was due to the “Healthy ” meal my friend had prepared for us – albeit my eating TOO much of it.

At least a great time was had by all and we still continue to parley about whose strategy is the correct course of action when it comes to Health.

Lesson Learned:

When you know your body and what works for you  – don’t go trying to find another technique just because it works for someone else.

As “The Powers That Be” declare:

When it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Now I look forward to having him over to prepare MY famous healthy meal:

Air popped Popcorn with ButterSpray accompanied by a side of Wine.  (White goes well with Popcorn. Red with Honey Wheat Pretzels.)

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