As some of you know, I was the only girl growing up with 3 brothers and 3 male cousins who practically lived in my house. My childhood was one big blur of punches, farts and wedgies.
I was raised in a Jewish modern orthodox household, which meant that we had a lot of rules that went well beyond no pork. We were taught in school to stay far away from the opposite sex. Even our classes were separate and the girls had to wear skirts that covered their knees ( because everyone knows what could happen if a naked knee is exposed – it might lead to dancing). Everybody say footloose!
Ironically I did not gravitate to the girls. I just didn’t have as much in common with them. I suppose I always preferred hanging out with boys – (mostly the gay ones after college and now all through my adult hood.) But my younger years were spent as a tom boy – climbing trees and playing sports. I never combed my hair or cared about clothes – I just wanted to play- drama free.
So it goes without saying that once I got to high school I had no idea how to interact with boys beyond a friendship level. I would hang as one of the guys or go out in a big group.
The idea of a first kiss became more and more of an obsession. I put so much focus and pressure on who it would be with, what it would be like, and where it would take place, that I never got around to actually doing it.
I would obsess over every aspect of it that it became a fantasy that was inevitably impossible to fulfill.
Flash forward to now and I can’t even remember my first kiss.
(Which may be a function of how old I’m getting that I can barely remember where I left my reading glasses) but nevertheless, I don’t recall that “First” kiss experience at all.
So here I am in a similar situation – where I have spent the past several months trying to decide what to write about once I made my decision to write my blog again. I took so much time off from writing that I began to put so much pressure on myself to write a fantastic blog for the first of the new year. The debut into the new year had to be magical and exciting- or else it would be a let down to all and most importantly, to myself.
But just like my first kiss, or at least the idea of it in high school, when I put so much pressure on myself to make it just right that I probably missed out on so many natural moments, now, although I am in my forties, I am doing the same thing – self inflicted pressure to make my comeback sensational!
I went so many weeks, which turned into months, of not writing a blog that the thought of blogging became an unnecessary pressure – a self inflicted chore to do what I truly love:
Make fun of people.
On the internet.
For the world to see.
So I made the decision to use the strongest time of the year – the beginning of the new year- the new start- the new resolution- to make my COMEBACK.
I justified that it doesn’t have to be the best blog I’ve ever written and perhaps it could be my worst, but the next blog may be better or it may not be, but consistency will even it out.
When we put so much pressure on ourselves to make things perfect we end up missing out on so much of the good stuff that naturally comes in between.
Sometimes it’s OK to just go for it and not hold out for the best time, the best place, or the best opportunity. Sometimes the right time is now.
And just like that, she’s back!