The Mayor is coking up something sugary once Again…..

It seems the ANOREXICS have won the OBESITY fight…..

Hve you heard the latest sensationalism in Fox News media???…..Now there’s talk of Bloomberg aiming to ban movie theater popcorn and Starbucks Frappacinos

As we know, the ban on sugary sodas has sparked a nationwide controversy but now people are saying  he’s gone TOO FAR.

Makes me wonder how he justifies his fancy meals at High End trendy establishments that most certainly don’t list the caloric content on the menu for the juicy fatty steaks he eats for dinner.

Just where does he draw the line on what people should or should not eat?

I know it sounds like I’m suddenly switching teams here- don’t get me wrong- I am still in favor of some sort of action to stop the obesity “issue” that has lead to a staggering $4 billion annually (of taxpayers money – i.e.: OUR pockets) in order to be treated – however there IS a POINT OF NO RETURN.

If he continues to ban every Baby Ruth and Jalapeno Doritos at the corner Bodegas …. what kind of Country will this be?

(……A healthier one perhaps?????)

Look, its essential for government to take some sort of ACTION if they plan to get involved in our health care costs -as an EMPLOYER, I know first hand how costly providing health insurance can be….however – just like my husband tells me every time i complain i ate too many  cookies – that it’s up to ME to SHUT my  OWN MOUTH- No ONE else is in charge of what I put in it.

So why isn’t anyone in government doing something to arm the fat kids with HEALTHY options in schools and theaters to make it THIER CHOICE? In other words: Provide them OPTIONS to CHOOSE.

I know I would LOVE if a movie theater offered pita chips and hummus or edamame and sushi as  snack fare for the 2 hours I’m sitting there.

It’s like I teach my kids- give them the OPPORTUNITY to make healthier choices by PRESENTING it to them- instead of punishing them for making POOR choices because it’s the only thing available. (Seriously I have been on enough ROAD TRIPS in my youth to know that every gas station has snack fare upwards of a 1000 calories per bite but none offer celery and guacamole. just saying);

SOOOOO, Mr. Mayor, instead of REMOVING popcorn and soda – why not ADD a salad bar or a fat free sugar free Fro- Yo machine ? (A girl can dream can’t she?)

Ok i know it sounds ridiculous and possibly i am a VISIONARY before my time (speak to me in 20 years when it actually happens so I can blatantly say ” I told you so!”)

But for the interim- pack your own snacks for the theater and let Bloomberg take away the popcorn- hey its $13 bucks for a small with a coke anyway- so why not let the money go towards the $13 glass of wine AFTER the movies!?

Get Off The Wheel and MOVE…..

Everyday I get a Groupon or Living Social Daily Deal for some fitness class or another…. promising FAST results to break up the monotony of daily workouts.

Be it a $10 for 10 Piloxing Sessions (what is that even? boxing and pilates mixed together just seems like such a mismatch like if you combined yoga and spinning- oh wait- they offer THAT too) or offers such as a month of unlimited pole dancing classes (have you tried that? Being that I walk SMACK into WALLS that have been there forever- I seriously think I would FALL on MY ARSE if I even ATTEMPTED to balance on 3 inch diameter pole …but prancing around in a thong and heels and calling it  exercise sounds like a good time in theory)

Whatever it is that is the NEWEST and GREATEST way to break a sweat… it is always appealing to think there is something BETTER out there.

As you know I am a BIG FAN of the BASICS – the old fashioned Jane Fonda leg lifts – the idea of when you PUSH and PULL your body – you will tone it up and if you feed it healthful NUTRIENT rich foods – it will give you the energy you desire.

So when I was in the hospital yesterday awaiting my husbands SECOND kidney stone procedure ( yes these stones are STILL with us – and by US I mean the entire Bedrock community seems to have been affected by THESE ROCKS as they are so damn LARGE even Fred and Barney need to work over time.) And NO, Fred still has not won the fight.

So on our way to PRE-OP,  I noticed the MALE nurses who wheeled the patients from room to room and floor to floor from surgery to recovery.

(Caveat: The FEMALE nurses are all candidates for the next “Biggest Loser” with painted finger nails the length of the roaches in this swamp land state.)

But the male nurses- well, these guys were built like Hercules ….each with Biceps that exploded from their uniforms as if they were morphing into the HULK.

I wondered how they had the TIME to WORK OUT so much to attain such enormous muscles given the demanding job they endure during the day.

Then it occurred to me that their JOB WAS their workout!

They spent the entire day PUSHING and PULLING patients around…. the calorie expenditure alone would make any Crossfit gym look like a  FAT FARM.

It just made me wonder if we are all hamsters in a wheel – as we are in constant search of a more effective workout to keep us stimulated. We just keep searching and searching when the answer is RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.

It is so SIMPLE that even a CAVEMAN gets it….(and on that note – the CAVEMAN diet is notorious  for making you LEAN and full of ENERGY- IF you are able to eat food that technically you have to hunt for!…Not for ME but others I know swear by it)

When you are simply moving throughout the day and PUSHING or PULLING your body ….be it on a POLE or in a Boxing and Pilates class …..you are making RESULTS.

Lesson Learned:

By staying ACTIVE throughout your day you are WORKING out.

Keep it SIMPLE and stick to the BASICS and you will see results.

Now get off that WHEEL and MOVE FORWARD!

All you have to do is ask…..

My kids are fair skinned, light eyes and blonde-  like my husband – and look NOTHING like me. (For those of you who only know me by my blog- you should know that  I stay FAR away from the sun but tan naturally as I have an an olive complexion.)  Although we all sport island like tans now that we live in Florida,  the BLONDIES I refer to as my daughters look NOTHING like me.

When we lived in NYC, people would go so far as ask if I was the Italian NANNY and they are the Scandinavian children I care for. (Of course i would say YES- I was – and take their cards because nannies in the city make upwards of $1000 a week just to sit in Central Park and read gossip magazines.)

So it goes without saying that when my kids DO something that is exactly like ME –  I am nothing but PROUD.

Yesterday while swimming at the club pool I experienced such a gratifying  moment.

Being that it was 90 and HUMID we spent the entire day in the pool. Of course the first thing the girls ask for after swimming is ICE CREAM – but i was too hot to get out of the pool and take them anywhere.

Next thing I know, the girls walked into the clubs’ pool side restaurant which was closed for the day  -straight into the kitchen- and (what I hoped and imagined to be the ) the cutest and sweetest voices asked politely if they  could PLEASE have some ice cream.

I had tears well up in my eyes as i watched them emerge from the restaurant with ice cream in their hands- GRATIS- because as the kitchen staff told them: They were  “SO polite and cute” ….

The APPLE doesn’t fall far from the tree, I have never been so proud.

They could have achieved straight “A’s” and I would still be most proud of THIS moment.

They were just like ME. The girls were JUST LIKE ME. (she says in her best Cats in The Cradle voice).

As you know I am a big fan of FREE food even if i don’t like it or eat it- the idea of getting it for FREE is just so appealing!

Lesson Learned:

As my My girls have learned early on –  if you want something you just have to ASK for it….the worst case scenario is that the answer will be “NO” …..but when done in proper scammer TONE the outcome is typically in your favor.

Put The Phone DOWN While you Drive or I’ll send Grandma after you…..

Approximately 1500 people DIE from cancer every day.

Unfortunately there is still no CURE.

But what if there WAS a cure for cancer?????….What is the likelihood that a cancer victim would REFUSE to try it??

Yesterday, a local teenage girl was texting on her phone while driving (just blocks from my kids school) and was killed .

Unfortunately, there IS a CURE for DYING because of TEXTING WHILE DRIVING but so many people seem to REFUSE to try it.

On a separate but related note ….

Video game sales are down 42% from last year.

Thats a whopping number considering Wii was the hottest thing to get two years ago for Chanukah (and now sits in a box in my garage among the other boxes from the set of Raiders of the Lost Ark.)

Social media and new tech gadgets that allow people to download FREE games and Apps have forced Nintendo and Sony to launch the newest touch screen X BOX and Wii U in an attempt to get consumers to come back to playing with joysticks vs. touch screens on ipads. Sounds exciting enough.

So why the downgrade on consumer purchasing of the Home consoles and Gaming market?

Because the world is going the online way- more and more people – of all ages – are on the internet. (I know this because every time i go to the public library I have to wait in line behind the 90 year olds on the computers surfing for FREE PORN).

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/476d72163e/grandmas-watch-kardashian-sex-tape?playlist=337670

http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6tlc

In other words- Texting is not going away – it may even eventually become the SOLE method of COMMUNICATING.

But I ask you- While you are still DRIVING , is it really SO difficult to just put the damn phone away until you reach your destination? Ask yourself- is whatever you are texting really WORTH DYING for? (Please- we all know you’re not THAT important that someone can’t WAIT to hear from you!)

Let’s be honest, I truly don’t care if you text while driving and end up killing YOURSELF- but when you put ME and my FAMILY in the line of danger -THAT’s where I have a major problem.

Lesson Learned:

Save unnecessary DEATH for the diseases we CAN NOT CONTROL.

Spend time this weekend speaking to your teenagers about Safety of the Road and take a good look at your OWN DESTRUCTIVE AND DANGEROUS habits.

Because if I see you DRIVING with a cell phone in your hand…..I can’t guarantee I won’t “accidentally” run you off the road.

Moon River! (Read post and you’ll get it)….

As you know, for the past 3 weeks, we’ve been dealing with the case of the Kidney Stones that just won’t go away (with NO END in near sight. Don’t even ask… I talk about it so often that I feel like I’m living Groundhog Day.)

Apparently, these rocks are made of KRYPTONITE and even Lex Luthor’s antidote can’t seem to break them down.

So while waiting in the Urologists office – which has become our Summer home (for all my friends in the Hamptons – I know you are SO jealous)  – I had some time to look around the room. (And for those East Coast and Midwest readers- I must remind you – we are in FLORIDA: the Land of Depends- so you can only imagine the MATERIAL I am holding back from posting out of respect for the Elders.)

I noticed the waiting room was filled with People who had the same expression on their faces:

TERROR

But it wasn’t the look of Fear that most people get in anticipation of just ANY Doctors visit or Physical where shots are anticipated…..No, this was a very different type of look – more like a trepidation – a feeling of DREAD…..

Then it hit me!

The most POWERFUL job in the World is NOT to be the Leader of the Country or the Queen of England….But rather…

a UROLOGIST!!!

The look on these people’s faces was identical – it was basically the UNDERSTANDING that this Doctor literally had them by THE SHORT HAIRS.

When you think about the POWER that  a Doctor who deals with the most SENSITIVE part of the male body has- wow…..no other WEAPON in the world can compare.

Women like to say that if THEY were in charge of the WORLD there would be no WAR……Makes me wonder why WORLD PEACE isn’t just simply resolved by the threat of a RECTAL EXAM.

Now bend over Mr. Babar!

Lesson Learned:

No matter what the prognosis or condition to warrant a visit to a doctor that deals with private parts- the outcome is always the same….it reminds you that you’re HUMAN.

No matter how TOUGH or STRONG we THINK we are – we are ALL VULNERABLE at one point or another to what the body can handle.

We are limited to what we have been given but that doesn’t mean we can’t take the EXTRA step to CARE for our bodies.

Do what you can to CHERISH and treat your God given body well….Afterall, it has to last you a LIFETIME.

It’s Summer Time! Don’t Go In The Water…….

A few months ago I had invited friends over for a Friday night BBQ. Everything was going well – all were enjoying themselves until someone glanced over at the grill and noticed a very large RACCOON – and his even LARGER friend approaching. Everyone screamed and SPRINTED as fast as they could inside the house. That is – everyone but ME.

I have never been afraid of animals with LEGS – not even WILD ones with Rabies. The way I look at it I can OUT RUN a Bear but cant outswim a Shark.

I simply called the Sheriffs and told them to bring their GUNS. (The good thing about having Sheriffs on hand at your beck and call is that they are more than willing to jump at the chance to actually SHOOT something – given that their day is filled with preventing COUNTRY CLUB CRIME- which is also the title of the book I’m writing – that includes such offenses as drivers in luxury vehicles who make rolling stops at stop signs instead of stopping all the way – or people (like myself) who “borrow” too many towels from the pool clubhouse because I forget to bring underwear when I swim laps .)

Unfortunately by the time the Sheriffs arrived, the Raccoons had scampered off – leaving a bunch of frightened guests indoors for the night and little old me standing with a BROOM willing to fiercely and bravely take on the critters in a midnight brawl.

Flash forward to last Saturday when I stepped into the club pool in an endeavor to swim laps when after about 3 minutes I noticed something swim beneath me.

Then SOMETHING touched my leg.

At first I thought it was my kids playing a prank on me knowing full well I will not join them in frolicking in the ocean for my god awful fear of sharks. I wont even swim in a dark bottom pool for that matter.

But when I adjusted my goggles and took another glance down under to see what had glided beneath my vajay -jay-  i saw IT……a creature from the black lagoon I tell you!

It was a morph between a frog, a crab, a giant roach and a snake….it slithered, it had claws and it was the size of a Kardashian Butt Cheek.

I did what ANY full grown WOMAN would do – I shrieked like a LITTLE GIRL, jumped the HELL out of the pool, then called a CODE RED.

I announced to everyone within  a 10 mile radius that there was a Barracuda swimming below and immediately my kids sprang into action. They grabbed their yellow floating tubes and green noodles and started flinging at the “THING”.

When that didn’t work and the the creature kept swimming – and seemingly grew in size at every stroke- we knew this called for more HELP.

I guess “The A Team” was off duty that day – so we settled on the next best thing- theTowel boy. He did not speak a word of English so we had to use our hand gestures and girlish screeching to describe what must be done.

He then looked at the CREATURE swimming in the pool and started to cross himself while muttering what i guessed had to be a few Hail Mary’s or whatever it is people say under their breath before going into the Line of Duty.

Next thing I know he scoops the damn thing up in the pool net and flings it into the bushes at which point it FLIES – yes flies- out and continues back on the path towards the pool.

Without hesitation- this Brave immigrant grabs a flower pot and smashes “IT” into tiny little pieces while green liquid oozes from it.

Yuck.

Lesson Learned:

Even when we are not afraid of SOME things in life that we SHOULD be – something can come out of NOWHERE and scare the Beejesus out of us.

It’s FUNNY how some things in LIFE give us the goosebumps and raise the little hairs behind our necks when other things – that seem less scary when you really think logically about how rare and incidental it would be to confront them- are just plain TERRIFYING.

Just know it’s OK to feel FEAR- it’s a NATURAL instinct that  generates the SURVIVAL instinct.

What SCARES us makes us STRONGER… At least that’s what I keep telling myself every time I see a snake in my pool.

Now I just need to learn to be afraid of my belly fat.

Use Your Words Not Your Lolly’s…..

As you know I am a big advocate of teaching kids at a very young age the power of exercise for confidence boosting and the importance of making healthy choices when it comes to mealtimes.

Of course I allow  my kids plenty of junk food- please- if i didn’t they would still manage to find it on their own in school and at friends houses-  but i DO TRY and encourage them to appreciate the flavors and nutrients in clean eating.

For instance, most nights When I serve them salmon and salad dressed with olive oil and balsamic I point out the Omega 3’s and healthy fats they  are treating their heart to. When we all typically start our day off with 100 % rolled oats or a parfait made of greek yogurt, kashi and berries- I point out the fiber for digestion, complex carbs for energy and vitamins for healthy and radiant skin and organs that they are feeding their bodies to kick start their very active day.

Not sure if they are listening but it makes me feel good that I am teaching even if it’s to no one (story of my life).

So when someone I know – a very overweight person – told my girls that they should EAT AS MUCH JUNK FOOD and ice cream as they can NOW when they are YOUNG – because – as she put it:

“ Now is when you can get away with it.”

I had to think twice and remind them that – NO – on the contrary – HEALTHY habits MUST start at an EARLY age. Teach them YOUNG. Teach them RIGHT.

(Mind you this friend has had weight problems her entire life- even as a young child so I’m not quite sure where she gets the idea that kids can get away with eating as much crap as they want given she was on Weight Watchers at age 10 …..but that’s another blog.)

But it is just like the whole Nanny Bloomberg issue that I wrote about yesterday- the OBESITY “epidemic” is starting in our schools at prepubescent ages- which begs the question: at WHAT point do we not only take away fountain drinks from school cafeterias but FINALLY remove the ice cream truck from the playgrounds?????

Oh no she DID-N’T!……I know what you’re thinking – she’s gone TOO FAR now- she is some piece of work – that nutjob has the nerve to even bring up the IDEA of taking away an age old symbol of youth- an icon in the playground- the ICE CREAM TRUCK – but let me assure you: Your kids will SURVIVE sliding down the slides and swinging on the swings without ice cream immediately afterwards.

……just say-yin.

I see it all the time- parents FEEDING their children instead of taking the TIME to DISCIPLINE them.

The kid cries or whines and the parent  has no patience (lord knows I don’t have much patience either)- so they shove food into their little mouths to shut them up.

I learned early on from a great mentor to never reward or punish my kids – in other words – SUBSTITUTE DISCIPLINE – with food.

In my opinion, candy is not a gift for good behavior or something to stop the whining. (Although I DO recall as a kid being forced to take piano lessons from the old lady across the street and every time i hit the correct note – which was not often since i never practiced and opted to climb trees and swing from monkey bars instead- she would give me a piece of candy corn. To this day I think of her every Halloween.)

But the bottom line is this…..

TEACH  your children young -they are a lot smarter and adaptable than you may be giving them credit for.

At snack time I guarantee you if you put a plate of crudite (that’s cut up vegetables for you plebeians out there) with a bowl of Hummus on a really nice platter, your kids – your HUNGRY kids  -will devour it !…. ONLY IF there is no other option available at the time. OF COURSE they will opt for the potato chips instead if that is given as an alternative- who wouldn’t? – so just don’t present it to them until they’ve eaten their healthy meal.

I try to always have HEALTHY dinner prepared for when the kids come home from school- fish or chicken, sushi  or omelets-even a simple bowl of edemame-  i make salad fun by adding whole grain Taco Shells to stuff the lettuce into. Once or twice a week they get chicken nuggets or pasta but they don’t even ask for it anymore….they are used to having RICK PROTEIN  sources.

Even the BBQ -which we love to use often- can offer healthy options like corn and vegetable kabob skewers with grilled chicken.

Lesson Learned:

It may be a pain in the Arse because it  takes TIME AND PATIENCE  to prepare healthy options but in the end its worth it.

Use your words to shut your child up- or HIT them-(kidding….yeesh– really??) whatever you choose as a method to discipline and teach the child not to ask for negative attention by whining for snacks – just don’t shove FOOD into their mouths when they CRY. They will thank you when they are older and SLIMMER.

Now for some Eddie Murphy back when he was still funny:

Time to make the Donuts……

Last week Mayor Bloomberg came out with his version of the inception of the CURE for the obesity epidemic….. a decision to ban EXTRA LARGE soft drinks.

Unfortunately those EXTRA LARGE people that have this self inflicted “disease” threw a major hissy fit about their right to drink their glucose quota for the month in a 24 ounce cup.

It reminded me of the episode of the Simpsons when the town of Springfield banned sugar – and Homer, dressed in a MUMU (my favorite Friday night attire) started the underground black market of selling SUGAR products.

ADDICTS  will find a way to supplement their addiction.

The funny part about this entire controversy is that Bloomberg limited any soda size exceeding 16 ounces. There is no stopping someone from buying TWO large sodas if they truly wanted to imbibe their 32 ounces of sugary goodness now is there?? So what’s the big deal???…..

People are now calling Bloomberg the “Nanny” as they are considering New York a watched over city but I must admit I am quite enjoying this verdict and here’s why…..

Now as you know, I am one who obsesses over clean eating yet can’t resist FREE food – so I more than enjoy my Reese’s Peanut Butter cups that I “borrow” from the club – and I certainly can stand to lose a few pounds to get my six pack back on track – but I am not – nor have I ever been – obese, so I may not be the right person to ask when Jay Leno polls the people on the streets how this decision may affect the overall population. (Or when Leno asks if the street people if they know who “Bloomberg” is and they guess it may be a new planet?)

However, I suppose the feeling of taking away sugar soda from those that are addicted to it is somewhat the way I’d feel if he banned WINE….. Lord Knows I’d protest that verdict and take it to the Supreme Court with a vengeance only Roe in Roe Vs. Wade could relate to…

But the real backlash came the very next day which was National Donut Day and Bloomberg was the first one in line at Krispy Kreme….

“Hypocrite” the masses shouted!! Ok, maybe not quite that extreme but Matt Lauer- my male media guru – certainly grilled him. (Settle down Matt -as if you’re one to talk with all those BBQ cooking segments where you publicly shnipp pork loins).

My opinion of this donut / soda controversy is such:  I’ve never felt SO CLOSE to the man.

I totally get it!! Bloomberg has it RIGHT ON!

I too advocate the praises of eating healthy and drinking my way to clean kidneys- no soda- by drinking minimum of 2 liters of water (with lemon) daily.

MEALS should be thoughtful and healthful and filled with nutrients and vitamins.

But NOSH is different…..junk is junk- not a treat- but something eaten when  a craving calls for it.

Donut Day is just as important to our overall happiness as is eating right and exercising….all in BALANCE.

I relate  to this concept wholeheartedly …just like my Reese’s peanut butter cup addiction …..Sometimes you just have to celebrate your sweet tooth and have that CHOCOLATE FIX that JICAMA or CHICORY ROOT simply can not substitute.

Lesson Learned:

There’s really no hypocrisy to enjoying an incidental donut here and there as long as you don’t DRINK your DIABETES at every meal.

Oh- and one other thing:

The issue with obesity is a SELF DESTRUCTIVE issue- but unfortunately it INCREASES health care  COSTS and affects us ALL and our Taxes pay for their  “illnesses”-

All I ask from all OBESE people is to  please just DIE instead of taking the TIME and MONEY to get SICK from a disease that is brought on by EATING FATTY FOODS….

Seriously????? OBESITY should not be a NATIONAL problem. I pay enough taxes.

And now for some nostalgia:

 

 

Gotta Work Even when youre sick……

 

Yesterday i woke up with a tremendous headache that felt like a sledgehammer was pounding through my eye balls.

At first i thought it was simply too much of Dr Ruth’s low alcohol wine the night before but then i remembered i drank the FULL MONTE : Merlot.

Within seconds it hit me that i was SICK. But what’s a mom to do at 6:00am when kids need breakfast, and a method to get to school?

I considered telling them to walk the 6 miles – after all- i used to walk to school as a kid. but then I remembered all those milk cartons in our recycle bin and nixed that idea. (Besides, so many alligators out there just waiting for an opportunity to eat lunch outside the club).

So on with my day I went and shuffled the kids off I did.

I kept telling myself I would work out at some point later and even as i crawled back into bed and fell into a deep REM sleep I knew I was lying- just not sure to whom since no one else was listening. (Are they EVER?)

 

After I had spent the entire day in bed (and felt sinfully guilty as if I was spending a month at a spa resort getting beach massages) the fever finally broke it occurred to me that life went on without me…..

my exercise class still sweat and raised heartbeats, my children still learned whatever was left to learn when its the last week of school, my husband still managed to make himself and kids something to eat for dinner- (i know because the evidence was there waiting for me this morning. )

And Life Without ME seemed to MOVE on…..which made me think of that episode of “Growing Pains” in the 80’s when Mike Seaver spent the day at home and watched Gilligan’s Island and realized that life on the island went on every day while he was busy at school or playing sports. (HE WAS A cutie back then….but alas we all age and i suppose even the cutest child actor can get ugly when they publicly start hating gays).

 

yeah. Kind of like that.

I had such an epiphany!

Lesson Learned:

As guilty as you may feel that you must conquer the world and do IT ALL- sometimes you are allowed- no ENTITLED- to take a day off to rest- and i don’t mean the kind you just had by the pool and beach with beer- the kind that just FORCES  you to SHUTOFF fro the world as you know it.

Try it this weekend- even for 10 minutes- it does a body good!